I knew that he was gone and I could move along, I always knew that. I knew I could be strong despite what happened, and do my best to continue through DA. Now, I'm not changing my mind about that, but the memories of that one artist has come to the surface of my brain and dwelling in my every thought. The good memories make me smile that he'd reach out to an aspiring newbie writer like that and bring me to where I am today, but the terrible final memories fill me with sorrow. Yes, you all know who I mean,.

It's not only sorrow though, also guilt. I remember when I knew he was sad about the awfulness of ED and kept to himself, and sent him a note, letting him know I was there for him. He lied and said he was fine, and I swallowed it, not wanting t bug him.If only I wasn't as quick to back off as I was and talked to him more, he'd be here, happy and drawing as usual.

Then I remember after he deleted every deviation, I dropped off several comments asking him to stop hiding in a corner and come back. I missed him and I knew he missed us, so I kept pestering him with comments. Finally, his name disappeared from my friend list. At first, I thought the guy was gone, as stated in my journal last month, but now I know it's not that, he's blocked me. He's sick and tired of me trying to say "Everything will be alright" everyday, so he did it and now I have no chance of talking to him again.

I know it's not my fault he's gone, but honestly, I could've done better, so I can't help how I'm feeling right now. Sorry for troubling you with all my unhappy thoughts, but I feel a little better now that I've shared. If you ever see him up on DA again, I wouldn't know cause I'm blocked, please say hi for me, and a hope your doing better too.

Best wishes,

loggyj